Tidal Pools of Fandom
by Parda
Summary: An examination of the lives of Listeria geezeria and Listeria newbia, life forms who inhabit the many and varied tidal pools along the shore of the great Fandom Sea.


**_Tidal Pools of Fandom  
_**

_**by Parda **  
_

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Imagine fandom as a vast sea, with currents and eddies and tides. Fans swim in the ocean, some drifting with the currents (watching popular shows), others swimming against the tide. Currents run in different levels and directions and temperatures.

Though some currents run close together, passing from one current to another is not always easy. Some fans find themselves stranded on the beach, their favorite shows canceled and forgotten. Still others are caught in whirlpools, going round and round, deeper and deeper into the vortex, until others are moved to say to them: "It's only a story," or "Get a life." There are rough coastlines shores where fans are dashed against the rocks. There are quiet coves and sandy beaches where long relaxed discussions take place. The gentle waves occasionally wash some new fans ashore.

Occasionally, a fan will carve out a secluded tidal pool, creating a home and safe haven for other fans. Depending on the tidal pool, they are known variously as **_Listeria dea listerae_** (Goddess of the List) or **_Listeria mater listerae_** (List Mom). It is important to note that there is usually only one of these in each tidal pool, much as there is only one queen bee in a hive.

**Inhabitants of a Fan Pool**

The _L. dea listerae _guards the entrance to the tidal pool and has an exceptionally long tentacle. The poison from this tentacle can be fatal to other inhabitants of the pool. The_ L. dea listerae_ also selects items and covers them with a special substance which immediately fossilizes them into FAQrock. She then uses this FAQrock to line the edges of the tidal pool.

Each new tidal surge brings small damp pink creatures to the edge of the pool, known as **_Listorina newbia_**. Usually, _L. newbia_ must climb over the FAQrock to enter, but during an exceptionally high tide they may be deposited directly into the water, where they swim about, often in circles, making waves. Numbers of _L. newbia _vary with the seasons (rerun, summer, sweeps week). A tidal pool whose show has been canceled may be far from the fandom sea, and only a few very _L. newbia_ navigate across dry land to find the pool.

Once in the pool, the _L. newbia_ are dashed about by waves. _L. newbia_ who remain in the water often sink to the bottom of the pool, weighed down by fuzzy damp pink fur. There they become fuzzy pink sea cucumbers. Therefore, most of the _L. newbia_ soon leave the pool. Almost all climb quite high and metamorphose into_ **Listorina lurkensa**_, simply observing the activity below.

However, some of the _L. newbia_ undergo transformation into **_Listorina geezeria_**. (Early colonists are more likely to successfully make this transition, as the ecological niche is unoccupied.) The _L. newbia_ selects a rock to cling to. This leaves them exposed to the sun during low tide and at the mercy of the waves. To cope with these harsh conditions, the _L. newbia_ develop hard-shells which protect their soft and tender interiors, and eventually become _L. geezeria_.

Some _L. geezeria_ make extremely strong attachments to a particular rock. Others will find several rocks to call home. A few hardy _L. geezeria_ float with the currents, braving the deeper waters, or even venturing out to sea.

Many varieties of _L. geezeria_ exist, and they vary from fandom to fandom, as evolution dictates. Also the rock selected for attachment determines to a large extent the final form. (For example, in the Highlander tidal pools, there are _L geezeria connorophiles_, _L. geezeria duncanophiles_, _L. geezeria denialensa_, and_ L. geezeria methosia_. Tidal pools for Supernatural contain_ L. geezeria samophiles_ and_ L. geezeria angelophobes_. Etc.)

Any of the _L. geezeria_ may develop long poison-tipped tentacles (_L. geezeria whapensitia_). The tentacles are used to whap the _L. newbia_. Unlike the tentacle of the _L. dea listerae_, the _L. geezeria_ poison is not fatal, but instead serves to stimulate the metamorphosis from larval to adult stage. There are also some very rare forms of _L. geezeria_: _L. geezeria malspiritua_, _L. geezeria weasela_, and _L. geezeria ferretidae_. All other forms of _Listorina_ approach these with caution.

**Life in a Fan Pool**

The creatures that inhabit the tidal pool emit material known as "posts." Some emit posts on a regular basis; others emit erratically. _L. geezeria _and _L. newbia _do the vast majority of the posting. Occasionally an _L. lurkensa_ will crawl down from the heights, cautiously dip into the water, send out a post, and then immediately retreat once again to higher ground.

The posts vary considerably in length, content, and interest. Many of these posts are ejected into the pool, float for a few seconds and then sink to the bottom of the pool. There they are covered by other posts and immediately forgotten. The posts eventually decompose into slime and mud. Some posts are washed by currents onto rocks. There they harden and become familiar landmarks to all inhabitants. A few rare posts are selected by the _L. dea listerae _for her FAQrock collection.

It is by the emission of posts that an _L. newbia_ undergoes the transformation to _L. geezeria_. There are two basic methods of achieving this transformation: gradual and perilous. The gradual transformation occurs when _L. newbia_ climb over the FAQrock carefully, taking the time to examine the different strata and archival evidence on their way to the water. Once at the water's edge, they slowly go farther out, becoming acclimated to the temperature and salinity before selecting a rock for attachment. Only then do they begin posting.

The perilous method involves leaping over the FAQrock and hurling in the water with a big wet plop. This creates quite a disturbance and makes waves, irritating the _L. geezeria_. Sometimes these waves go high enough to reach the _L lurkensae_, who join the fray. The ripples from these waves can persist for quite some time, even years. Also, _L. geezeria_ show a marked dislike of horsemeat, flailing their tentacles agitatedly and churning up the water whenever a dead horse is introduced into the tidal pool. Therefore, such a leap can be fatal to the _L. newbia. _It can also alter the acidity of the pool, causing high mortality rate, especially for other _L. newbia _who have just arrived.

Life in a fan pool varies with the seasons. Once such occurrence occurs primarily in the summer and is known as the re-run drought or the doldrums. Shorter droughts occur at other times of year. During these droughts there is little activity in the pool. The water becomes filthy with accumulated excrement and debris. The inhabitants of the pool hold grimly on, waiting for the cleansing rains and a great tidal wave to clean it all out. Some listeria leave the pool or even die during this time.

A more irregular (and destructive) event is a migration known as war. During a war, the _Listorina _leave their rocks and head for places as yet unexplored (rather like lemmings). Not all return. The occurrence of the mass migration is erratic; however, wars happen most frequently during droughts. Wars may also be connected to the phases of the moon or sunspots.

The sea is ever changing, and fan pools come and go. Some are too far from the life-giving waters that bring in more _L. newbia_. Others are too acidic for anyone to survive. Their inhabitants may begin to migrate, and after a time that fan pool has dried up and died.

Happily, the sea of fandom is vast and deep, and more fan pools are being created all the time. Most _Listorina _finish their journeys and find new homes.

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_This is a revision of a post made to the HIGHLA-L discussion list (hosted by psu DOT edu), c. 1997._


End file.
